I think that I tend to hold on to old friends more than some. I get attached to people...not in a creepy stalker way, but in a connected way. I am always sad to see friends and acquaintances move on. I am the one that remembers birthdays from long ago people in my life. I am the one with vivid, technicolor memories of every detail about what was said, worn, thought, eaten, surrounding, decorating etc.
I think my attachments come from a place of shyness and a reluctance to make myself vulnerable and meet new people. I often was mistaken for clique-ish, when in reality, I was terrified.
I don't know why I often think of people I 'used to know' and wonder where they are, what they are doing, how they have fared. I wonder if they ever wonder about me. Maybe it's weird, but I think people who move on and never look back are weird.
I think looking back can give us perspective.
Today, out of the blue, I got a friend request from the first boyfriend I ever had. I was 16 years old and convinced that I would live my life alone because of my shyness and he was the one that broke the ice. He also broke my heart...sort of.
Looking back with the perspective of a woman that has lived through horrors not even imagined to that silly girl I used to be, I know that I was very naive and irrationally afraid of the opposite gender.
I now have friends of both genders, a husband I am crazy about, an ex-husband I can get along with if I must and I value friendship above many other things. I can think of this boy, now a grown man, and be grateful for his friendship and the effort he took to find me on facebook. It feels sort of nostalgic and warming. I now know that at least one person has wondered at least for one moment..."what ever happened to Michelle?"
Thanks Shon, you made my day.
2 comments:
Pretty sure you were 17 and he was they shy one.
I probably have old journals somewhere. You could be right, I might have been 17. Two teenagers afraid to look each other in the eye didn't have much of a future! :-)
Post a Comment